Life Lessons Personal Tips

THE SELF CARE GUIDE I USE TO IMPROVE MY WELLBEING

Every day, is a Good Day

Some days you may wake up feeling like crap and other days you just don’t want to get out of bed.

Memories may come and go, and tears may start to well up.

Life may seem impossible to navigate.

Repeat after me, You were OK before, you will be OK again.

I have had a disability for a long time, I just didn’t know what it was.

You want to know the difference between now and than? I am aware of my disability and its limitations.

My father passed away in near the end 2017. Every day after that, kind of felt like a dream to me. Where I kept expecting to see him walk through the door. As the days went on, I just felt like I was walking up in a haze of nothingness. No emotions, I just felt drained. I didn’t want to do anything.

But I had to remember, I needed to be strong. Not just for my family, but for myself. It would of not been ,what my father would of wanted me to do. So I got myself together and started meditating with my headspace app to help clear my head. I would also take a hot bath, this helped a lot because it helped relax my mind and body.

Now I was thinking clearer, I was wasn’t moping around the house, I am was doing something to make a difference.

Some where along the lines, of accepting I have a disability and taking charge of my life. I knew I needed to do something about it. I couldn’t just keep all these emotion bottled up. I was going to explode like a shaken up can of pop.

I didn’t know how bad I was till, my mother suggested I talk to someone.

Folkstone, England

How I keep ahead of the Game

In the past few years, I was always afraid to talk to someone, or even be label as disabled. But than as time went on and I decided to talk to someone. I realized how good it felt to talk about my issues with others. Now I didn’t just pick anyone to talk to too. I did my research. I looked online for a life coach whom specializes in Asperger’s.

One of things I have learned is, that I can’t do it all. That making a list of three things, either mentally or physically can help me track each thing I need to do, and it is not important, to complete them, but that I get them down. By keeping a list I am more organized.

Another very important thing, I have learned is to listen to my body. One of my newest friends told me after my father passed, that I shouldn’t hold anything back. In her words “Give your body, what your body wants.”

Ferris Wheel on Uni Campus celebrating 50yrs

Here are tips I have picked up along the way to help me

These tips of care for myself include mantras, methods, actions and behaviors. Some are instinctual and others have been learned through through time. But all have helped me keep get through the day.

I hope these tips will help you as much as they did me

There are days, where I just don’t want to to get out of bed. I wake up and I feel like I been crying all day. Than there are days, I feel so worn down from the day prior I just want to wrap myself up in my blanket and sleep the day away.

These tips helped me, get through some of the toughest of times and I hope they will help you as well.

Take one step at a time.

I can’t emphasize this enough. If you force yourself to do anything you are just going to regret it later. Don’t let people tell you that you have to get out there and get moving. If you push yourself you more than likely will have a breakdown.

By taking things slow, you will be able to process things in your mind. You will be able to breath. When things are moving fast and your trying to do too much, you will feel over powered, to point of not being able to breath.

Make a mental list of three things you want to accomplish and set out to do those, but remember it’s OK if you don’t finish that list.

Listen to your body.

This is ever so important. By listening to your body, you will be able to tell whats going on and stop the problem before it happens.

There are those of you who have trouble with noises or light. If you body senses these things it will always give you a sign.

Learn these signs and you be will be ahead of the game.

It’s OK to cry.

I know when we all have our meltdowns or breakdowns, we just want to curl up in a ball and cry. Do it, don’t be afraid of what others think.

Believe it or not. Crying is a stress reliever. Let it out. I guarantee you will feel so much better after a good cry.

Don’t let others tell your different, crying does not make you make you weak. It means you are human. Some may know this already but there are happiness tears as well. This is when we cry for something happy.

  • Never be afraid to cry out in the open. Like I said, don’t let what others think of you have a affect on you one way or another. If your body is telling you need to cry go for it.
  • Don’t try to stop yourself from crying. Your tears will stop when they are ready. I know this first hand. I have had my moments where I would cry for a good 15mins and all of a sudden they will stop.
  • You will be surprised how you feel after a good cry. You will be so much better.

Tears to me, are my way of showing my emotions. Being the person I am, because of my Asperger’s. I am a very emotional person. But I have never been afraid to cry in public..

So when I feel the tears coming I let loose and I feel so much better after.

Eat well.

This is so important. If you eat junk you will feel like crap. but if you put the right things into your body you will feel so much better.

Have you ever noticed, that if you eat junk food you don’t feel charged up and full of energy to when you eat a well balanced meal. Getting the proper diet is so essential to living better.

Make sure you are eating the essentials. I know we all have a our comfort foods. Mine is potato chips or popcorn. It is OK to indulge once in a while. There are plenty of websites you can look up that can give you recipes along with a item list of things your need.

The one I use a lot is Allrecipes . They are really good, you can go from simple recipes to complex even diet wise you can different type like heart friendly, but if you just beginning to cook I suggest quick and easy.

Now if you are not sure what to get or how to prepare a recipe, I suggest a meal in a box service. These are so great, this is because you can plan on your meal for 2 to 6 meals a week..

Now if you are not sure, they do offer deals, I suggest you see who offers the best deal for you. I know Home Chef offers $80 off which is $30 off each weeks meal plan.. Most Meal in a Box run around $59 a week and offer deals.

My father loved to eat. He was a real foodie. We used to always joke, that my dad when on vacation wouldn’t remember the places but the food he ate there. So my taste in food I got him from him. It didn’t help matters that my brother is also a chef. So my dad would always come up with things for him to try

Sleep.

I talked about this in one of my posts. But getting the right amount of rest is so crucial to having a clear mind and being able to function through the day.

Getting the right amount of sleep, to making sure you have the right setting from a comfortable mattress to a the right lighting. I know I like to sleep in absolute dark. To also feel the blanket wrap around me making me eel secure.

Stay hydrated

No matter if you sick or not. No matter what time of day it is, I always make sure I have a bottle of water handy.

Drink water before you go to bed. This will help flush out your system. Especially if you had pop/soda or fizzy drink prior.

If you not into drinking water, drink a nice glass of juice in the morning. But if you like to drink there is no harm in nice glass of whisky or beer, especially a nice cold one.

But if your not into alcohol, there’s always tea or like I said juice.

I know for some coffee is there drink of choice. I am more a Mocha kinda of guy or hot chocolate.

Stay away from caffeine.

Now I know some of you have your morning coffee. But not for me. I am more a mocha person. But believe it or not, I went a whole year without any carbonate caffeinated drink while I was in school.

Caffeine is in tea as well, but you can get the decaffeinated kind. Also there are flavored waters you can get. When I was away at school I drink almost a lot of whats called Robinson’s Fruit drink. I swore by this stuff, and I still drink here back home.

Stay away from caffeine, especially before you goto bed, caffeine last between 4 to 6 hours in your system. This is why at school I gave it up. I would have the hardest times falling asleep. After I gave it up, I found I would sleep much easier.

The only times I do drink is when I am out, but not past 6pm because I know how long it will sit in my system, and is also why I drink a bottle of water before I go to sleep.

Shower.

Taking a hot or cold in the morning is vital to your bodys system. Taking a shower opens your pores and cleans out all the oils and dirts of your body.

I made this a daily ritual for myself, whenI was in school. It started with me getting off the plane with a sore back, so I took a incredibly hot shower just to ease the muscles in my back. Than I took one at night to relax my back.

I broght this ritual home and have never stopped. Not only do I feel clean, but I feel awake and ready to take on the day.

Go Silent.

This may be hard for some in the day of cell phone, tablets and computers. But shut everything off and just relax and listen to the world around you.

You will be amazed what you hear. The feeling you get when surround by silence is amazing. You get a sense of self.

When my father passed away, I went silent for a bit because, of the shock. My mind couldn’t focus and I needed to recenter myself.

I know there are those of you who need your watch or phone to tell time. But you be amazed by just forgetting about time how much in the now you really will feel.

Get rid can’t from you vocabulary.

To next poem is from Edgar Guest

“Can’t” is a favorite word of some children. Here is the against it


Can’t is the worst word that’s written or spoken;
Doing more harm here than slander and lies;
On it is many a strong spirit broken,
And with it many a good purpose dies.
It springs from the lips of the thoughtless each morning
And robs us of courage we need through the day:
It rings in our ears like a timely-sent warning
And laughs when we falter and fall by the way.

Can’t is the father of feeble endeavor,
The parent of terror and half-hearted work;
It weakens the efforts of artisans clever,
And makes of the toiler an indolent shirk.
It poisons the soul of the man with a vision,
It stifles in infancy many a plan;
It greets honest toiling with open derision
And mocks at the hopes and the dreams of a man.

Can’t is a word none should speak without blushing;
To utter it should be a symbol of shame;
Ambition and courage it daily is crushing;
It blights a man’s purpose and shortens his aim.
Despise it with all of your hatred of error;
Refuse it the lodgment it seeks in your brain;
Arm against it as a creature of terror,
And all that you dream of you some day shall gain.


Can’t is the word that is foe to ambition,
An enemy ambushed to shatter your will;
Its prey is forever the man with a mission
And bows but to courage and patience and skill.
Hate it, with hatred that’s deep and undying,
For once it is welcomed ’twill break any man;
Whatever the goal you are seeking, keep trying
And answer this demon by saying: “I can.”

Edgar Guest

Know what triggers you.

This is so important for most us. There are those of us, who are more aware of our triggers and than there are those who don’t know what bothers us.

I for one know, that when a lot a lot people are talking at once, it’s hard for my mind to process everything so I need to go some quiet.

This is so important, but knowing what bothers you. You will be able to stop them before they happen

Set boundaries.

I am the type of person who, will always say yes no matter what. This is because I am always afraid to be either reprimanded for either not helping out or missing out on something.

When I used to work for Corecomm, they used to ask me, to work overtime. I would always say, yes because I didn’t want to them to think I wasn’t a team player.

As I got older I started to say no to things. Because I would realize, it didn’t matter if I was missing out. My friends understood. I began to enjoy my alone time.

Meditate.

I can stress how meditation has helped in so many ways. When I meditate, I am able to let all my thoughts come and go and have a clear mind. I have talked about meditation before.

It is so beneficial to the body. When you meditate you are in a place where you able to hear your thoughts.

The best time to do this is either early in the morning, before you start your day or late at night before you go to bed.

Go outside.

Fresh air is important to the body. Go for a walk, you will be amazed how well you feel after a nice brisk walk.

Before I went to Uni, I used to take my dog for walks. I enjoyed it so much. The fresh air and just being outside. Than at Uni I was introduced to a walking path that help me so much when I was under so much stress.

Journal

Every morning, write your thoughts down and look at them at the end of the day.

Writing is a great outlet for stress and anxiety. Because you are putting all your thoughts on paper and than you look back and say “Why was I worried about this or why was this on my mind”

I took a writing class and my teacher told us, just write down everything that comes to your mind.

Pet a animal.

I never knew how beneficial animals could be till I was at Uni.

Right around the time everyone was studying for their exams, I saw flyers all over saying, if you are stressed out there is a place you can go to where you can pet dogs. My friends had told me, it was so relaxing and helped them.

I never did it, wish I did. But along my travels I ran into a girl walking a black pug, that reminded me of my pug I had back at home.

Just talking to the girl and petting her dog, really helped me while I was traveling, it relaxed me so I wasn’t in a panic state.

Track your thoughts.

This is very helpful if you can’t sleep. I never did this till I started with the Sleepio program. Part of their program is a thought tracker. Where you right the right down four things.

  • Your thought
  • How it makes you feel
  • The Accurate version
  • and how it makes you feel

An example of this would be: (My Thought)I am the only one with sleep problems, (How it makes me feel)it makes me feel sad, (Accurate Version) I am not the only one with sleep problems, (How I feel) I feel better that I am not the only out there with sleep problems

By doing this, you are using positive thoughts instead of negativity. Either for sleep or during the day.

This is all part of (CBT) recognizing distorted thoughts and being able to dismiss them. CBT is also helpful with sleep as well. But dismissing negative thoughts.

Talk about your issues.

It is always good to talk to someone. I know I have talked about this before. I never walked to talk about my issues before. I thought I could handle things on my own.

When I was in Uni, I had a lot of people to talk to and it helped me a bunch. I had two well being advisor, whom without their sound advice I would of been lost.

For those you, who think you can do this on your own your wrong. But I highly recommend you research whom you want to talk to. A regular therapist wont understand the problems of someone who has Asperger’s and know the difference between someone with severe autism to someone who is High Functioning.

When people look at people like me, I seem normal from the outside, but its how I interact and know my limitations of what I can and cant do make the difference.

I know some of you who have issues and don’t want to leave the comforts of home. I have mentioned my life coach who specializes in people with Asperger’s or special needs. She has people all over the US and will assign you with someone who she thinks will work with you, instead of in person you will talk with your coach via Skype and you can set up how often you want to talk to them.

Get rid of clutter

This is vital to how you think. There is a saying that goes “A cluttered space equals a cluttered mind”

My room used to be a mess, but as I started to clean it out. I began to feel a self of clarity. I was thinking clearer.

Set routines.

This is so important to your well being. If you have a daily routine, stick to it.

I have a moring routine I stick to no matter what. I get, turn on my shower, pull out the clothes for the day and go “shirt, underware, socks, pants” To make sure I have everything ready after I am out of the shower.

A routine is good, because it keeps your busy. You know what you have to do.

Just remember, to breath.

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